Monday, June 24, 2002  12:56 am  <|>
<150> It seems I know: This weekend I was able to rediscover my life the way it used to be. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but it was surely close and that's more than I really could have asked for. I got back into my place in Philly around 7 or 8pm on Friday night. I watched Donnie Darko with my friends, which I hadn't seen yet but had been given by one of my friends because a few of my closest friends have been obsessed with this movie for the past two weeks. I understand why now. It was a GREAT movie (so great we actually ended up watching it again last night as well so someone else who hadn't seen it yet could). I had heard mention of the movie a long while back simply because the same creator of the Requiem For A Dream website did the site for this movie as well, but I never looked into what the movie was about or anything much passed that until it was given to me for my birthday. I'm so glad it was though. It's one of those movies that really make you think, so if you like those types this movie is definitely for you. But do beware of Frank, the giant bunny... So this is how my weekend started off. That night also ended with me and one of my closest friends staying up until passed 5 in the morning talking and catching up even though we talk as much as we can even when I'm "far" away in NJ. Saturday was awesome as well. We just hung around and I got some work done (job work) amazingly enough and did a bunch of other little things. Then later in the day I went with some of my friends to pick up my friend coming in from California to stay for a few days before he catches his flight for Italy. I would love to go there someday and perhaps I will, but I don't foresee that happening for quite a long time. So anyway, this was followed by more hanging around, like I already said, another viewing of Donnie Darko then more talking and guitar playing, which prompted a lot more of us to stay up together on this night, until well passed 6 in the morning (yes we are insane, but really we just miss each other). It really had been too long since I was a part of any real hang out time, let alone with these people all together since enough have had to go "home" for all or part of the summer, to work, to spend time with the parents, to take up some summer classes, to go on vacation, whatever. Anyway, I was ready to be back and back with them, so a bedtime was not a concern for any of this that night. It did prompt us all to enjoy a little bit of sleeping in this morning. But actually we didn't really sleep in. We all got up around 10 or 11am I believe, made breakfast (waffles yum) and followed this up with a lot of lazy hanging around time. A few of us attempted to lay around and nap, but I don't think this really happened. We ended up going to the park to chill and hack a few hours later, which was nice, especially since I haven't been there to do that (one of my favorite things to do) since before everything happened almost 2 months ago now. I can't believe it's been that long sometimes, I really can't. Now I guess I feel like I want to make up for lost time, but the truth is I don't know if that can really happen. The nice thing is though, that's not to say that I can't still have plenty of summer fun and such left ahead of me before it ends and next semester returns, along with all of the complications that will exist along side both for a least a bit of time longer before it's all said and done. Woo, I'm really rambling tonight, but you'll have to excuse me it's been awhile since I've been this happy about things I suppose. I really needed this weekend and furthermore I really need to be home there on a much more permanent basis, which if you ask me I moved back as of this weekend. I realize I'll still be in NJ a bunch during the week, especially since it's a shorter distance for my mom to drive me to the hospital in Philly from my house in NJ than it is for her to drive in to my place in Philly and then to the hospital. Both exist in Philly, about 20 or so minutes apart from each other, but in the end the time difference does work out better coming from home and I don't want her to have to always be going out of her way, so some nights I'll probably just come home later the night before a dialysis day or something and then go right back to the city after. Whatever, this is probably boring everyone out of their minds, I got a little carried away with my typing, I must have really missed it. The rest of the day today continued nicely even though we were all still lazing around for most of the rest of the day as well. I did go with two of my friends for dinner to a Thai restaurant, which I had never been to before, both in the place itself and the type of food in general. It was decent, though all I got was a "asian summer mix" salad which was maybe the smallest salad I've ever had in my life, but it tasted alright and it hit the spot enough for the moment. It's good to try new things, especially for me when it comes to eating because I'm such a picky eater in addition to being a vegetarian. But it's all good I suppose. I gotta watch what I eat further for my "kidney failure diet" anyhow, which isn't evil but it does make it even harder to keep track of what you're taking in and what you need to try to avoid as much as you can. I seem to be doing well with it though according to what they tell me, so it's cool for me to not be too strict with it quite yet. Ahh, so much general randomness tonight, much more than usual it seems, but that could also just be me. I should go to bed soon, I do have dialysis in the morning and yes I am back in NJ tonight. I left Philly around 10pm and was happy because two more of my good friends returned to the city today to stay for the rest of the summer and I got to spend at least a little time with them. So now when I return again (hopefully tomorrow following dialysis if all goes well, if not by Tuesday) they will be there too. Overall, this weekend really was something I needed I think. At least I know it put me in such a good mood and while I feel bad to sound like I wish to neglect my few close NJ friends, especially my best friend, that is definitely not where I come from with this issue. I just need to be back at my place, where I really feel home too, around people that I was violently pulled away from during a time when we'd normally have been closer than ever. Now I lost that, accepting that I cannot get it back, I do wish to fight for some of that time now... because it was always supposed to happen. If everything hadn't gotten crazy at the end of the semester 2 months ago I would still have planned on spending tons of time at my place in Philly because that's where I belong right now, that is where I am most productive, and that is really what I need. I think my parents are still trying to understand this fully, but I would dare say they are making progress I guess. I don't know, I'm still working on it though. They're going to find excuse after excuse why I should "wait a little longer" or "not rush into moving back," but to be honest, the only way I think they're really going to be able to deal with it is to let me do it and see for themselves that things are okay and maybe more than okay, maybe they'll see it's allowing me to do better, because that is certainly the case.