Thursday, July 18, 2002  10:47 pm  <|>
<152> Things can get better: I've got to admit that I am finally able to focus on things other than my health lately and I have to say that it's really great to be able to do that. Of course my health issues are far from over, but it can't be the only thing you think about all the time, you know? Lately I've been thinking a lot about my future as well as what I have going on right now. I've been trying to save some money lately, just a little bit, what I can out of my paycheck and such to put in a simple savings account. I've never had much money saved in my life, no college fund or anything, so when I get out of school I know I'll be facing student loans in addition to all those lovely bills that I pay every month. But that's fine, I'll be ready hopefully and I think a good way to start is to save a little money now. Beside, it can't hurt in general, even if my money saving is for nothing more than splurging on something nice later on. But what I'd really like to do is saving enough (and make a little interest as I go) to have a decent amount that would be worth investing or something. Like I said, it can't hurt. So this is one thought lately. In addition to all this saving stuff I've certainly been doing my share of buying too. It's partly my mom's fault... she wanted to check out ebay, which she did on her own... but then I made the mistake of helping her learn how it works and worse, helping her bid (and win) a couple things she wanted. In the process, I've gotten back into regularly checking out ebay -- and buying -- so there goes a little more of that savings money. I think I should sell some stuff on ebay. I've done it in the past, just a few items, and I could use the money, right? Hehe. It couldn't hurt to get rid of some old stuff. I bet I could get my mom into doing that too. ;)

So my weeks now are spent split between my two lives - philly and nj - and maybe they're not so different, but they certainly feel so sometimes. Maybe philly feels more right because there I'm in a place where I spent most of the last year of my life and it's where many of my closest friends are. In nj, I have my parents, my best friend, and a few of my other close friends, but that's about it. Being at my own place in philly reminds me of how things used to be, before everything happened, before my life changed... and knowing I can't get it fully back ever has it's good and bad points assigned. In the end though, I move on, in both places... I've also come to realize a few certain things out of all of this - some I can admit to the world and yet others which, well, I need to keep to myself for the most part, for now at least, because the one who should be told the most just cannot know even though I think somehow he has known all along. Ok, I won't get into this because it's not something I'm about to share here or anywhere right now, but I will just say it is something that is greatly on my mind right now concerning a certain person and it could change things forever if they knew. I am always waiting for things to happen now. I don't have many certainties to rely on, so I go day by day, and I can survive that way indefinitely I suppose, but still it would be nice to know what to expect at least once in awhile so I could be prepared for once.

Tomorrow begins a weekend of almost-like-old-times. It starts with my friend Jon coming down to visit from NY, 7 hours away or so, who I haven't seen since he went home for the summer. I was supposed to visit him for his birthday on the fourth of July, but given my last posts I think most of you know how that turned out. So I'm psyched about that. He's bringing a bunch of his friends who I haven't gotten to meet yet too. This is followed by Saturday, when my friends Emily (my roommate) and Danne return as well for the weekend. Emily is also bringing a couple friends with her. All in all, it'll be a good time and one of the closest things to the way things were since those who have to left for the summer. I can't wait.