Saturday, October 12, 2002  2:30 am  <|>
<161> Self reflective: Tonight puts me in a thinking mood for some reason and I guess there are a couple reasons why. I'm still adjusting to things around here not sucking, because a few weeks ago it seemed like they were and I didn't like it much. Now things are a bit happier, though I don't really know if that is the word for it. Lately, everyone around me has seemed to have some sort of trouble or life altering problem. Or at least things just seemed like they kept going wrong and I was really ready for that to turn around. Now it finally has this last week or so and it is so welcomed. That isn't to say all the problems are fixed, including mine, but I guess it's getting there... heading in the right direction at least. So back to tonight... there is just something that put me in the thinking mood and my thinking is that things are going to be alright... it just might take a little time. This might seem like a conclusion that should have already been obvious to me, but given the way things were going a few weeks ago it was hard to feel like that at all. Now I think I've just realized that I have to just let go and let things work themselves out. When you do that's when things tend to happen out of no where and maybe even start going your way. This week started out interestingly and I suppose this is a fitting way for me to end it too. There are certain people in my life right now that I realize I am extremely lucky to have - some that couldn't be closer and others I wish that were - but they are all there and that is what really matters I suppose. We all have times that we won't get along or find that we are drifting apart, but now I am becoming more confident that those things are merely temporary lapses in a relationship... for these true friends we will continue to find each other over and over again if we need to because that is just the way things are - and how they should be.

Yesterday was the due date for my huge studio project that we've been working on all semester so far. My crit went decently, though I still got bashed on for some things that is what a crit is and is to be expected. But overall I was much happier with my project in the end than I was a week before it was turned in, so to me that makes it more successful. However, I did have to do my share of work for it and dispute all the work I put in all those weeks I got to the beta stage last week( that is when we have a "finished" project for the most part so the class and prof can give feedback and we still have a week to touch it up before it's final due date), I still had a lot of work to do to it this week and especially in the last hours (which I didn't sleep more than 30 minutes the night before Thursdays studio crit (neither did a lot of people) which almost killed me but at the same time wasn't so terrible. I work best under pressure in that way, when I know that I just have to get something done so I do it. But still, it also would have been nice to have some sleep before the crit, I've never done that for a project before, but it had to be done this time because there is just so much I wanted to do with it and I just didn't have enough time to get it all in. My major problem was I changed my project so much from the beta stage, including the concept... meaning I had to retake all the photos, then actually do the designing and such, so it was almost like doing a complete project in a week instead of five... but like I said, it's over now and DONE!!! So right after class at 4pm I came directly home and went to sleep immediately, slept until 7pm when I woke up and thought it was morning for a minute, then decided there was no reason to be up, I was still way tired and resumed sleep until 10pm, at which point in time I got up and spent some time at my friends place before returning home and sleeping some more. I am still tired out though. Today was a sleep day as well, as Friday's tend to be since I have dialysis in the morning (where I usually can sleep a little) followed by a nap if I can take one since I have the day off and I have a weekend so I don't feel compelled to do work following my studio day especially. So I definitely stayed away from work. Instead I went to this art show my friends threw in their apartment which was pretty cool, had a good time followed by eating before going back to my friend's place and then me going home because I was tired and ok it was 1:30am by that point so I guess that is half late but I'm usually up for being out much later. I was in this thinking mood though, so I figured my thoughts were better placed here and elsewhere rather then stay out and be super tired for the rest of the night. Tomorrow I am going to go home for a bit to spend some time with my mom and attend a few local festival things there which happen each year. Following this I plan on coming back into the city with my best friend, who is home for fall break - which we don't get at this school - and going shopping as I promised her (but I plan to just watch her spend her money hehe). Then we'll see what the rest of the weekend holds, though I must do some homework and catch up on A LOT of reading that I managed to put off in all of my studio work craziness. But now that I have a little break with that, it's back to worrying about my other classes and my real job, but I think I'll get caught up with everything soon enough. Until then, well just have to see how things go and hope they'll all work out for the best......