Thursday, March 20, 2003  1:12 am  <|>
<177> Digital girl dynamic: I'm sitting here tonight, at my computer, like I do most (a good 4-5) nights out of the week typing this post, talking to friends, working my internship, doing my studio homework, downloading new songs and listening to them, and eating chocolate chip cookies from a ziploc bag that my mom was kind enough to make for me. Now if that isn't multitasking, I don't know what is. This isn't unusual for me at all though. This is a pretty typical night. Oh, and I just read this article that was pretty interesting that pretty much touches base on what I am talking about now. We are living in the digital age and it's both a blessing and a curse. I was social tonight. I went to Last Drop with Dan at random when he stopped by to surprise me. I went over to the guys' house and watched some of the Daily Show and Home Movies for a bit because I promised I would and don't spend enough time there anymore. I even ate my dinner downstairs while talking about classes with Adam earlier. Granted I should have been using some of that time tonight to get my work done, just like I should be devoting more time to now considering I have an 8:30am class and it's on it's way to 1:30am right now... but hey, it's early still, right? I had a brief nap that should have been briefer tonight too, but my alarm clock didn't go off. I think that had something to do with me hitting all the buttons this morning when I was so tired I couldn't seem to comprehend how to turn the damn thing off. Yeah, I know I'm a psycho... hopefully it'll go off tomorrow morning when it's supposed to or I'll be waking up to Jamie and 10 minutes to spare, if that.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of things. There are some things going on right now that I haven't been able to shake out of my head, mostly because I don't fully know what's going on and don't really know what to make of situations. I think I over react to a lot of things sometimes, when I don't really mean to, it's just how I get sometimes because I've learned to expect the worst when it comes to certain things... all thanks to the past. But I'm getting better I think... at least I hope that I am. I want to believe fully in people. I want my trust that I give too easily sometimes to be deserved by those I gift wrap it to. So I'm trying really hard not to push a situation that I said from the beginning that I wouldn't. I'm trying not to make a big deal of something that I don't think is... at least I'm hoping that it's not. But I can't help but be worried because I don't really know what to think at this point. I don't know what I'm expected to think when put in this situation and then I take a step back and think maybe I'm not in a "situation" at all. Maybe it's all in my head, which is why I'm trying not to make an issue out of it in the first place. Yes I know I go in circles, I can't really help it, it's just how I think sometimes.

I'm listening to Tears In Heaven right now, I'm a sucker for this song. I'm in a very classic rock and slow older stuff music mood I think. I just listened to Tiny Dancer before this... what a great song. I think I'm done with doing internship work for tonight. Technically there is one more graphic I should do, but I just can't figure out what to do for it because I have next to no info to go on for making it and I have a million other things I'm supposed to be working on tonight... so yeah I'm done with that for now. Yes Photoshop is officially closed for the night, now what's next? I'm really getting no actual school work done. Tomorrow is just a work day in studio, so there really is no need for me to do a lot more to it tonight. I made a decent dent in the work load yesterday, but I still have much to do and I'm supposed to present it in it's first stage by next week. I'm not too worried though, it really could be shown the way it is now, but I want to get it a little more functional and maybe start coming up with other story lines so I can get more class input. I wish I could think of good multilinear stories for little stick figures. Maybe I should go back to the original idea and go with the party stories. I guess those are good for multilinear content. What do you think?

So tonight, officially, we are at war. And I have plenty of views on this, believe me, but tonight is not the time to post them I don't think. There just has been too much talk on war lately and really I'm tired of it already and I know it's barely even begun. There was an interesting article (thanks Elijah though I know you don't read this) about the different views of people on the war from around the world. It's important to remember that we are only one nation, already populated by such a diverse population... all with different beliefs and views... and then I think we forget sometimes (not really forget but don't realize the implications) that there are so many other nations out there, some more fortunate than others, all with their own peoples, all with their own opinions... not just about this war, but about everything in the world... and we forget when we are living in this "free" nation and that not everyone is so lucky. But still, is it our job to protect and/or invade others just because we feel we are the super power? Just because we think it is our obligation? I don't know anymore. Yes, we need to protect ourselves from the terrible other powers that do exist out there. We all need to look out for each other in the world, but is this war the way to go about it? Is it the right time, the right place, the right way? I just don't know. I haven't supported the war up until now. I am not sure I know fully where I stand on it anymore, but I am sure that as all this continues, I will have much more to say... so just give me time.

I feel like my friendships have been expanding a little lately, partly because they literally have, meeting new people through Neil, but more than that, I feel like I've been getting to know certain people all over again. People who have already played such important roles in my life, yet I never felt as close to as I do now. Maybe it's because we're all getting older. Can I believe I am picking up my registration packet for my senior year TOMORROW? Not really. It's been a long ride already, I know, with a long way to go, but it seems this road of college life, the way we know it, is winding down when it just started didn't it? I know once it's over we'll never get it back again the same way, although we may move on to bigger and better times, it's a big world out there, where a lot can happen considering so much already does where we are at now. Pretty big thoughts for 2am, but it's been on my mind lately too. I wonder where all my friends will be in a few years from now... where I'll be... and who I'll still be with. You say you won't lose contact, I believe I won't for the most part, but people say that about high school too and how many people do you stay in contact with? Actually for me I guess the odds are in my favor... afterall, of people who play specific roles in my life, a fair amount I did attend high school with... my best friend, my roommate, even my boyfriend now... who would have thought considering I wasn't super into high school at all, though I did enjoy it, mainly my junior and senior years. But I only missed it slightly when it was over. I felt like it was time for it to be over. I was ready for college... well I was ready for a new chapter at least and looking back on it all now that is certainly what I received.

So now it is really late, past 3am as I finish up this long post and I end my night with some sound advice from my daily horoscope of all places that came in for tomorrow (which is really already today) just as I was closing up my mailbox. For days it's been telling me just to "go with the flow" which is more relevant to my life right now than you might believe... but this particular advice for today was even more accurate still and -- whether you believe in these kind of things or not -- you can't deny them sometimes I've found no matter what the reason they seem to fit your life at a certain time just right. And I'll take the advice... as far as I can, because it's precisely what I've been telling myself all this time anyway, so maybe it's just another little reminder that there really isn't an answer to every question, the puzzle can't always fit together perfectly, and so sometimes, you just have to live with the question. Good advice, and besides, I ask too many questions anyway...