Sunday, November 7, 2004  3:45 am  <|>
<195> Reawakening now: I should have gone to bed a lot of hours ago... I got tired just before 2am and I actually thought I was turning in for the night... silly me, it's Saturday night, where else would I be but online writing right now. But to bed I will go soon, because we're going to see The Incredibles tomorrow so I gotta be awake to enjoy that! It's been a long day, but a really good one. Sort of a self accenting one at that too... Dan went home to visit his parent's today into tomorrow so I was without him. The weird thing with me is I always miss him when he's gone (and we're not even apart that much), but I start to really miss him before he leaves, then usually I know once I'm on my own it's not so bad. I still miss him, but it gives me a chance to sort of reflect on myself and not worry about others for a little while. It's something everyone needs here and there and something I guess I was used to having a lot of before I found him. I wouldn't want that all the time status of it there, and I'm always aware of myself to some degree, but I've been through a lot in this most recent section of my life and lately I've been feeling the next transition period. Throughout my life I've somehow been aware when chapters of my life were opening and closing. Sometimes it's clear - many people go through it going off to college, for instance... but with me it hasn't always followed these traditional guidelines as you've might have guessed. So I'm here tonight, looking around online and sort of getting my own work done, catching up with friends, and thinking a lot. All of this brings me to 4 in the morning and being so aware of everything, feeling so connected to the world... it's weird but it isn't as if I haven't experienced it before either. It's one of those nights where you feel like you could take on the world and make everything better.... I guess everyone wishes that right now with the way the world is and politics go. I'm not naive enough to think I could do it alone, but that's just the thing... I'm sure a believer in groups coming together, working together, to get towards a common goal. I see all these problems and frustrations with the world and think: why does it all have to be so difficult... how can people really be so blind, why can't we all just get along... type stuff I guess.

So the morning is fast approaching and I'm reduced to watching VH1 Insomniacs Theatre, which I've done in the past too, but not very often at all... and while I'm watching I realize I need to start listening to music more again. They actually play bands this late at night that I enjoy, that I have been a fan of already even. I have let my music following sip... we used to predict the next big bands and now I couldn't tell you even what those are to warn against them haha. I rely on Concetta to keep me up to speed on some of the latest good before they go to big bands coming by, and sometimes I adopt them for a bit here and there, but I try to remind myself I still have this power too. I don't know what happened to me sometime. Where did I go all that time? I feel like I was taken away for a little while, to heal and recover perhaps, but all I really know is lately I've been reawakening and it's weird and wonderful all at the same time. Usually when this happens you can bet on other things to come as well. Changes maybe, or something else I can't know just yet. All you can hope for is that it's good and that change comes to bring the better and not the worse.

A few days ago I learned about ChangeThis, which is a great site that I highly recommend. It is almost EXACTLY an idea I've been talking about doing for a few years now actually, but never with the means to really put it together. It's all about sharing ideas freely with others and spreading them around, rating them, making things change. I really agree strongly with quite a few of their current "manifestos," including WordOfMouth & Neighborhoods, and some of their proposals yet to be written fully (but ready to be voted on) including my favorite SpiralDynamics, which is a 20 minute streaming video that in large part put me in the final mood I'm right now tonight. It's always great to come across people sharing ideas, especially when you just happen to be a strong believer in some of those lines of thought already. It's really inspiring to say the least. It makes me want to put into action the ideas I throw around and talk about all the time... I hope that I will someday be able to put more of my thoughts for projects and groups into effect, but right now work and things tire me out by the time I would come close to getting that far. It is easy for people to get distracted with their lives I know... but you gotta work with what you can do, to let others know how you feel and maybe, just maybe, you can make something happen anyway.

But anyway, I think it's time for me to hit the bed... my last sharing for the day is a small recap of my productivity. I woke up and called my apartment maintenance because last night I came home to a steady drip of water from the ceiling outside of the bathroom and a huge water blister forming. There had been a water mark there for a long time, but it was never wet... they finally fixed the water pressure in the building a little over a week ago (which used to suck by the way) and low and behold, there the leak goes. I paged them last night but with no response, so I tried again today and they were over within 10 minutes somehow. The plumbers came right after that, they happened to be nearby. Now there is no more leaking water, but there is a mess on the hallway floor and a huge 2-3 foot hole in the ceiling, which is scary looking alone. I'm hoping nothing is going to crawl out of there while I'm sleeping, but if something does it's not like I'm counting on my crew of cats to help me out much. No, they're too busy fighting with each other. Callie and Hobbes absolutely love each other, I swear they look like two humans in love sometimes the way they hold each other, even holding hands, no kidding! But, I bring her mom (Isis) into the picture and all hell breaks lose. Ok, I'm sorry, I was trying to help her. She's a great cat, you'd never know she lived on the street at one point. She's so friendly to people and always wants to lay with you... but with them, she is ms. tough cat and I know this is in large part because we weren't able to fix her right away, but I just worry that they'll never get along. They don't have to be best friends, I never expected that... but right now they actually fight and I'm afraid they will hurt each other. I've been looking through the cat books at B&N lately, but haven't read anything past telling me it'll be better with time and spaying... the time just comes and the spaying should be able to happen soon, we just had to give her a little time after nursing the vet said. I did break down and buy a book that I wanted on Wednesday when I read about it browsing through the latest issue of Cat Fancy. It's called The Cat Owner's Manuel and it's done in a great illustrated style with an approach as if you were reading a computer manuel, only really funny. It's a care book, but it covers a large amount for being more of a gift book I'd say. Definitely check out the publishing company... nothing just yet spikes my interest from them otherwise, but they seem like they have a lot of potential over at Quirk Books.

So it's time for bed, to bed I said, as I've said before, and I'll say again. Too many decades of music coming of my TV, it could be catching. I think I'm tired enough to go to bed and maybe too tired to fend off U2.... have a goodnight until next time. :)