Thursday, November 25, 2004  2:48 am  <|>
<200> Reconnection: I write tonight, or really this morning, in a mood not felt for quite sometime now. It's not overhappy, it's not too sad, it's just this feeling, that things are reopening to me, doors and people, that I haven't been able to get at to for awhile. Maybe it's because I have been listening to my music collection for the passed few hours - which I haven't done in a long time now since I was always moving around between my laptop with only built in speakers, to my new computer which I haven't even hooked speakers up to yet. I broke down and plugged in my headphones though, because I downloaded LimeWire tonight and have been downloading again. I haven't done this in over a year... and it's weird to think it's been that long. I'm not going to get into the ethics of it all right now, I've been writing online here long enough that if you actually care you can find the post somewhere in my early posts.... but I'm not looking for it for you, you'll have to do your best and find it on your own.

So anyway, something overall about the last week or so has been inspiring me off and on, pushing me towards something and I still haven't quite figured out where this final place is supposed to be. I'm going to assume I'm not supposed to know and just sort of go with it, all the while of course I'm hoping things end up well. It's almost 3 in the morning and we're going home to have dinner with Dan's parents tomorrow (actually later today) for Thanksgiving. Pretty soon it'll be xmas and the new year and I'll be wondering, probably reflecting here, where all the time has gone... but the thing is now, where is the time going exactly? When you are in school, you base your life around semesters, you plan around classes and breaks, but now, well next week is more work and after the new year... oh nope still just work. Now I'm not complaining about my job itself, it's good enough actually, I'm lucky to have it. As long as I have something to drive me and keep me honestly and healthily creative I'm not going to let myself complain too much about real estate, because it's really not that bad. No, it's not work itself, it's just the 9-5 thing, the day in and out, the getting out of work right now and it's still dark and not even really wanting to get up that early in the morning. I have good friends who are professional illustrators and they pull nights like mine, yet they get to sleep in a little bit in the morning. If I was smart I'd pick one of the options - but I am a night owl at heart, even if I got plenty of sleep I don't think I would ever feel as productive and useful in the morning as I do deep into the night. That's just me... that's just the breed I am. Well I'm not making things better for myself by reemercing myself into the online world that I once so carefully held as such a big part of my life. Now I'm passing up watching TV with Dan to working on Sticky Art, not because I don't love Dan to death, but because I feel so much better when I know I've actually gotten something done AFTER I get home from work for the day.

But, I really should go to bed soon. Dan is still out in the living room... I suspect playing video games (he borrowed Goldeneye from his friend for Nintendo 64 so he's getting his time with it) We rarely play video games right now. I guess we're too busy trying to be productive.. me with Sticky Art and online things and him with his painting. I feel bad that I don't sit for him as often now that I am busy with my own stuff when I get home. I know how much he likes to paint me and so I'm hoping to find some time to do this for him soon. I was going to surprise him and do some of it tonight, but then we decided to get our special dinner (sushi for me, chinese for him - they're right across the street from each other and nearby) and we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I've loved it both times I've seen it now. He was technically present the last time I watched it with Concetta and Jon, but he feel asleep after an especially hard day at work that day (I think it was the day it came out on DVD because Concetta had bought it), so he wanted to see it all the way through.

Lately everyone is reconnecting... it's weird and great all the same time. But it also makes me think a lot more than usual. It's great to talk to old friends, it's not even bad to talk to people who aren't even close friends... and it's good to meet new people all in the process. At the same time, is this really a new development or is it simply something happening in passing. Maybe it's the holidays? People all heading 'home' to see their parents. I find it interesting to note when people say 'home' - even the ones who don't ever intend to ever live with their parents again or even anywhere near the town they grew up in. I still say home too sometimes when going to visit my parents, but most of the time I say home meaning Philly, meaning to my apartment, where Dan and I live. I dunno. Then I talk to the people who say, are living with their parents again for a time, and they don't have to think about this little issue. And when I say I'm going 'home' they get all confused, because for a minute there they want to think I'm headed to NJ. I guess you really can go home again, even live there if you have to, but at what point does 'home' become truly where you are and not where you are always heading back to?