Tuesday, February 13, 2007 1:33 pm  <|>
<257> The Things Unsaid: I may not be getting around to updating here as much as I'd like, but rest assured I'm here. The days pass and some things change, but mostly things stay the same. It's a balance of health and work and school and friends. Not that I'm complaining. I was sick with a pretty bad cold last week which knocked me out of whack for almost the entire week. I didn't get into work until Thursday and then I had Friday off because of a doctor's appointment anyway.... so this week will be in contrast as I'm planning to work everyday except today. Yesterday I was at Rubenstein, today I'm actually still working, just from home, for the new company, and then Rubenstein again tomorrow, and the new company for the rest of the week most likely. I guess it's good though I mean I have never really minded keeping busy and this kind of busy ensures bigger paychecks coming soon which I can't complain about either!

The first weekend in February was my Winter Residency for the grad program I am in. It was supposed to be from the first to the fourth, but I ended up coming home after the second day because I was having panic stuff... which I know I haven't talked about that much here, but basically between the meds and everything else I've been getting bad panic feelings at times... not full out panic attacks or anything and what's more annoying is they aren't caused by anything specific. If they had a trigger or I was actually afraid of something or some situation, then, at least, I'd have some chance at controlling it, let alone maybe just knowing when one might happen. But these, no, they come unannounced and unprovoked. I can actually have one without people right next to me even realizing it unless I tell them of course. It's not something I feel I absolutely must hide, but it is extremely annoying not to have any control over it and for it to interrupt my already uncertain health line of events. Fortunately the feeling usually passes fairly quickly for what it is, but that doesn't make it anymore fun to deal with. My theory is that it stems from an imbalance of hormones... without getting into too much medical detail that you don't really need to understand anyway... but what it boils down to is I really need to go see another kind of specialist... I just have to get myself to look for and find one and then actually go and see them too. I'm working on it... I am, really.

Business for Metatative is going very well. I'm pretty happy with the way things are turning out. I keep getting asked if I'd rather have a full time job and aside from having paid for or mostly paid for benefits again, I'm really happy with my working for myself situation. Maybe I won't feel that way once I go see my CPA and do my taxes, but hey, it's working for what I need right now... I can have the flexibility, for the most part, to start and end work when I want, even when working someplace onsite, and the option to work from home for even part of my work week is outstanding. I will grow better disciplined about that as time goes on, but I don't expect too much trouble from myself as I was always pretty good at cracking down and getting done what needed to be done when it came to school work and such. So we'll see, but at least for now I think it's the right path.

Unfortunately Dan's job at the theater company was only for January, so now he's back to no job. He has an interview today, but we don't have any serious prospects yet at the moment. That's a little tough, but I know that he'll find something and hopefully I can help him do that. I want him to have a job that he enjoys, but I think he's ready to take on whatever he can at this point. I'm hoping he can find a decent balance in whatever he ends up doing. He also has a show, he's first solo show technically, coming up in March at a local coffee shop. So he's been working to get his stuff together for that as well. Overall, he's keeping busy, just like me.

There is a lot going at once. It's been easy for me to let my health stuff fall a little to the side and I know I need to get better about that. It's the little things... when you take a bunch of meds everyday, sometimes you wish, once you get used to that annoyance, that that is all you have to do. A lot of people probably think that is all there is to it. Unfortunately, that's far from the truth, even though even those that are sick can quickly forget it at times. For example, I take the meds I must, without fail, but then there are all kinds of extra ones, extra pills, extra shots, extra liquids, that I should be taking that I sometimes let myself slide a little on. I'm pretty anemic with an energy level to match and while fixing this completely may be out of my grasp somewhat, I could certainly be helping it along more than I currently am. I must get better about this and intend to. But it's easy to have good intentions... actions are always another matter...

So just because you haven't heard from me doesn't mean anything too bad... just that I've been keeping busy and it doesn't seem like that will be changing anytime soon. I'm officially into my 3rd semester (finally!) of my grad program. Just one more to go after this, but two summer residencies remain for me as well. Then finally graduation! It should happen but the summer of 2008 if nothing else slows me down, which hopefully it won't. I just got the person who I was hoping to get as my mentor to say he'd do it, so that was surprising less painful than I thought it might be (due to problems with past mentor issues, not the person I picked!) so I'm pretty excited about that. Now I just have to get the project going and I'm hoping it will go well. But for now I should probably get to work, working for pay, from home... gotta love it, I do! Until next time! :)