Wednesday, February 28, 2007 9:16 pm  <|>
<258> Circumventing Circumstance: So things aren't totally going my way... at least not the way I'd like them to totally be going. There are some things in life that you just can't expect to control. I know this. And you know, for the most part, I don't try to even fight back against what I can't control. I do, however, refuse to give up on the things that I do still have control of... and so that's where we're at. And since unless you know me SUPER well most of what I just said makes very little sense, I will continue...

I want to be free to live my life - who doesn't? The thing is, health issues aside (though that's enough on its own right?), I'm really quite happy with life right now. Sure the health issues drive a fair amount of where I happen to be - but in some ways this has been for the better. For instance, I don't work full time - though running your own business really means never truly being 'off' work when you think about it. So that's one thing... but without the health issues, I wouldn't have probably made this leap to self-employment and running my own design company - at least not this soon in the game. But now, I have a chance to really do something with it, and if it doesn't work out, I can leave it or even come back to it another time, all the wiser for the wear... but another thing is that even though it does require a lot of work - I still make my own hours and this has helped my state of being a lot.

So basically I'm trying to take what I'm being handed right now and make the most of it... because to be honest it isn't getting any easier lately. I don't know why this is the case 'all of a sudden' - but when I look back on things more carefully I guess things now didn't come about so suddenly afterall. Either way, I'm dealing with some things right now that I'd rather not be and I haven't quite figured my way around all this just yet, but I will - I do have faith in that.

For now I just continue on the best I can, and go day to day as I can. I keep busy, but at the same time don't feel like I'm really doing all that much. I'm staying on top of things, but I am distanced in a lot of ways. I'm not really upset that this distance has to be in a lot of cases, though certainly I don't mean to neglect those things or people that are important around me. I think for the most part the people understand, though it's not something easy to really grab ahold of unless you have direct dealings with it I suppose. I don't know. I might be missing out on some things, but it really doesn't feel like that so much. I want to work at things and be successful, but I know that no matter how close or far I am from that goal I have to just keep pressing on. So far this has proved ok... so far I get to these points when I wonder why the other times are so hard to grab control of. A lot of it doesn't make sense, or at least, it doesn't seem like it should make sense... but maybe it really does when you look at it closely. I know I've been through a lot of crap and there has been plenty to push through. I did it all, for the most part, with little complaint I guess... because really what would have been the point of complaining? But now, now things are calmed down and maybe the rest of me is just trying to catch up... or maybe it's not me at all. And I know I'm being rather abstract in what I'm talking about. Like I said, depending on how well you know me or even how often you read this site, you might have an idea of what I'm getting at, if not I'm sort of just ranting I think. Maybe it's needed, maybe it'll help. It couldn't hurt.

You know Adult Swim is really sucking often lately... it's rather annoying. It used to be you could watch from start to finish to start over at 2am again, but now there are parts where I actually have to make sure the remote is handy so I can quickly change the channel (thanks a lot Morel Orel - I refuse to watch this show). But, at least I still have an hour of Futurama and an episode of Family Guy. Not to mention an hour of Inyuasha and some other good bits in there. I'll even sit through Aqua Teen, though sometimes I don't because I know I'll just be changing the channel right after it anyway. Oh Adult Swim, you haven't totally gone to nothing, but Sundays are gone and Saturdays could use some help. And why is it, even in a 'blog', that Adult Swim yields people to talk to it like it is a person. That's fine when you are talking on their little bumps, but I'm not even getting put on TV!!! Or am I? Hehe.

So it's actually quite a bit later than when I first started writing here tonight. It's after midnight now and I still need to work on some advertisement changes for a client for tomorrow. Usually I'm pretty tired by now and I am tonight too, but I didn't have to get up especially early and I took it pretty easy today, so I am sure I'll manage. It's been a weird day, for lack of better terms. Tomorrow night Dan is hanging his first solo show at a local coffee shop. It'll be up for a month and I know he's nervous about it, but I'm really excited for him. This will really be the first time he'll be publicity showing his work, so I can understand his nervousness. Of course he's up now trying to finish framing the final pieces. At least they are all dry! I know he'd like to do more with them or entirely new paintings before the show, but the ones he's putting in are great and I know it'll be fine. The official opening is Friday night. Maybe I'll write again sooner than later to mention how it all went.

I am trying my best not to fall behind in things - both obligations and just wants - right now. It's a little tough with outside forces controlling some of my life... but still I press on, as usual. Maybe it'll get better soon. Hey, I started the process today... maybe more than I even realize at the moment. We'll see how it all pans out. It's amazing how the mind can change and what can change it. Sometimes I worry about the permanence of things... then I try to remind myself there is a good chance, it, like most other things, is only somewhat temporary. Afterall, if that is the state of life itself, why should anything else be so much different?