Tuesday, January 8, 2008 3:31 am  <|>
<263> Me Again: I realized that the title of this posting is kind of redundant since my last was entitled "Back To Life" but as the titles for postings just sort of pop through my head until I come to one I want to use for the day (or until I happen to start typing, whichever comes first) I just sort of have to go with the flow of how I'm feeling. So here goes...

Welcome 2008! I welcome you by writing 8 days into the year and in return I ask a lot of you... but you are up to the task, right? My energy is returning, my creativity is returning, my MIND is returning AND that is one of the best things because I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been able to consistently think clearly. Between illness, meds, and other tend-to-be overwhelming things I guess it's no surprise that my memory (mainly short term) has been less than stellar in the past year. I suppose I was always semi-aware of this, but now that I'm coming out of the fog it is ever more apart and kind of scary at times. There are things people have said, stuff that has taken place, that has totally gone without my knowledge even though I was there the whole time, perhaps the only person on the receiving end of such information/events. In talking with close friends it has come to my attention that entire requests have gone completely overlooked and ignored, yet I have no recollection of these things being asked of me in the first place AT ALL. Yes, I told you this was rather scary. Now that I'm aware of it, I'm wondering just what I have missed exactly and what else I might be ignoring. All in all, I guess it comes with the understanding of the year I've had, but it's something easily overlooked even by those closest to the situation. It's a weird concept, even to me, that I would have total lack of knowledge of certain things when I was plainly there. Furthermore - how do I (and those around me) know just what I missed and what I didn't? It seems like I chose to ignore things I think when that is not at all the case, but I don't know what those things were to go back and remember them! It's really frustrating and I'm trying not to focus on it too much because I know a lot of it is out of my control for now. Perhaps more things will come back in time. Some things I recall quickly once someone reminds me of it, but other things - those are completely foreign to me even when someone explains the whole thing. The latter part is what is scary... and since most of these things aren't things I would have recorded lately, not that I was doing a lot of recording - online or otherwise, I really have no way of gaining back some of what I missed. There is normal process of time (or lack of interest) forgetting and then there is this that I've experienced. I've always known memory was important to me and lucky for me until now I feel I've tended to have a pretty good memory at that... but now I'm left to wonder if I'm still missing some things, despite being aware of the problem much more and caring about it a lot more. Hopefully a lot of that is over now... or at least I'll soon forget about it...

I've been really geeked out tonight. If I weren't so tired, I would probably bore you with a bunch of links and things that you really don't care about. I've also been on somewhat of a tech-binge / shopping spree as of late. American Express thanks me, but I have a feeling I won't be thanking myself too much when the monthly payments come around. In part I can call it a strange side effect of the last year's incidents. Both a reaction in itself and a way of catching up and on to a world I missed out on in large part - especially in the tech world where I was missing from for so long. It is also CES time right now and so there will be tons of new products and announcements for me to enjoy all while catching up on plenty that I've missed. It's all very tempting then to want a lot of things that cost a lot of money that I really don't have. At the same time I've really been trying to get things back in order and back on track and because of this I am quick to jump towards getting things that will help me achieve that desire and goal. To name (but not go into) a few - computer linking and backup, organizing stuff, preparing for the return of work on my final grad projects (more on that later for sure though), and moving forward in finance, in business, in life. Yes, it's me again - I'm back and trying to be better than ever. I know I'm not quite there, but my desire to get there finally returning is quite a good sign if you ask me... and since I'm the only one here you are going to have to go with it.

I'll be writing more soon, I really think I will this time... I'm also working on a redesign of DR. If I wasn't too lazy (or am I supposed to call that busy?) to learn the updated world of much web coding, I code probably make it pretty cool, but alas, my desire just to have something new will have to overcome and you'll have to settle for a new face and a bit of new content for now. I don't think it will be disappointing though. I've had a lot of ideas floating around for some time now, they were just obviously put on hold for a number of reasons. So I will be back soon, maybe even tomorrow, and maybe I'll share some of my geeky finds and latest obsessions then when I am more awake.

Until next time! :)