Friday, February 1, 2008 1:53 am  <|>
<265> Pasting Pieces: With each passing day things feel like they are getting better and better... at least in terms of how I am generally feeling and my ability to put things back together, not just as they were, but even better than before where possible. Even before I got really sick this time last year, I had long been in and out of bouts of infections and overall just not feeling so great. It was hard to commit to things when I wasn't sure when I'd be sicker next and it was even harder to keep things in line or stay motivated on a certain thing or project because of the same reasons. I'll admit in more recent years I've had less than a long attention span where many things are concerned, but this has never stopped me from pulling out the endless ideas or goals that I wish to accomplish or attempt. So this is somewhat of a challenge for a normal person to keep up with, but when you add in the extra hurdle of ongoing illness, well, you have a whole extra challenge to even get your own challenges started! Despite all this, I somehow always manage to throw a lot on my plate and still think I'm going to have room for desert. It's not new news that I am a multi-multi-tasker much of the time (when I can be), but I still have to struggle to keep things moving even when I'm feeling somewhat healthy at times. Lately though I've just been feeling much better... this motivation I know comes as it was held back for over a year. There were long periods of time in the last year where I couldn't even conceive of thinking much of anything, let alone creative ideas. I couldn't have found the desire to work on any kind of project - be it getting something started or continuing something already in progress. I had to take a year off of grad school basically and even with the help of my wonderful best friend and business partner, I still struggled to put forward my share of the starting points of our business (Amble Gallery & Books for those of you who haven't been following along ;) ) Now things are falling back into place personally and on business and career based levels things are also moving ahead and I'm finally filling with ideas that I think actually contribute rather than just get me by. I talked about finally "waking up" not too long ago after going through all of this stuff and the more time goes on, the more I feel even more awake and ready to get going again. Sure, I still have down times and days where I feel less than perfect, but these are getting less and less which I am grateful for - FINALLY!

So I once again have a lot going on. I suppose I always did, but now that I'm putting creative energy into the ongoing loop of things the fire is just gaining ground even more, thus creating even more going on, and on, and on. Not that I'm really complaining... of course I love it when lots of things are happening and it always feels good to feel creative and productive. This has applied all over the place for me lately. I've finally gotten enough energy back to allow me to work around the house again where I can. I've been able to start organizing things again. I've been making art again. I've been able to devote myself much better to our business and don't have to rely on others to help me with every physical thing involved with it so much. I can get up and down the stairs by myself now, though I'm still not totally steady so I don't do it more than I have to. And it's a lot of little things too that you wouldn't really think of or maybe even know to miss. For example for me one of those things is reading. I am more of a nonfiction reader than a fiction one, though I always love a good story. This sort of goes back to my explanation that I have less of an attention span than I used to perhaps, but it's also because I've just always enjoyed one more than the other. I guess it goes along with my geekiness/nerdiness which we've covered recently as well. Regardless, I've been able to fit in a little reading again lately and I certainly wish I had more time to do more of it. I have filler time like when I'm sitting at dialysis, but unfortunately while there I rarely feel like doing something like reading. To start I don't always feel so great during treatment and when I do feel so-so, I still might prefer to sit there and do something next to mindless like watch tv or watch video on my iPhone, or sometimes when I'm feeling adventurous I break out the Tetris on my DS... but that's about it.

I'm pretty tired tonight... I've been getting distracted while writing this post so it's actually just about to turn to 3am now. I just have dialysis tomorrow, but I had work today and then have been doing things since I got home so I think I might just be ready for bed. I will write more about what I have in the works right now soon, but for now I think it's time to say goodnight.

Until next time! :)