Sunday, February 3, 2008 12:30 am  <|>
<266> Persistence Of Memory: What were you doing a year ago? Five years ago? 10 years ago? These were all moments in time that happened to you, whether you recall them in great detail or not. You remember what your mind chooses really. Sometimes I think we don't consciously have so much control, not over the case of certain memories anyway. And further still our brains work in mysterious ways. For example, when all it takes is a single still photo to bring back flooding memories of times passed. Photos and video capture moments in time, but the real key is only in our mind. We will always have a unique imprint of what occurred and that is ours and ours alone. Sure, we can recall it and share it with others, who may have been involved or not, but still, no two memories will be exactly the same. Kind of like snowflakes I guess! ;) What I'm getting at is how important memories are - at least to me - and the idea of losing them, or at least losing access to them, completely is really scary. Minds are precious things and they can be taken away... be it because of health (medication or old age) or other outside factors, we should realize that it is possible to lose it and to me that makes it all that much more important in the here and now. I guess I had a run in when perhaps while my memory was not blocked from me completely, for a time this passed year there was a large chuck of the time in which apparently my memory was not letting things stick. Perhaps it was too busy battling other things and devoting physical energy to other parts of my body, but it was still scary to think that there were things going on that I either wasn't aware of or at least can't recall being aware of now. Some of it may have been for my own good I suppose. I guess when you have long periods of time that our not so great your mind kind of decides it's a good idea to block them out. So yes maybe I should be thankful for that, but that it was out of my control is entirely another matter. Either way, I'm glad to be back in the world of the thinking and remembering. Let's hope my memory doesn't leave me anytime soon again... even if I wouldn't know I missed it.

I've been busy tonight since I got home from work around eight. Often I get home and am too tired to do too much and then sometimes I get a bit of energy and take advantage of it while I can. My bouts of energy almost exclusively happen at night, so this sometimes leaves me doing randomness (but things that need to be done) into the early morning hours. I've been having a much better time sleeping since I've been feeling better, but I still am not one to go to bed at any time that you would call "early." This is fine with me really, except when I need to get up at a certain time and/or work all day. That can leave me dragging a bit. But today, even though it was my 'long' day at work being Saturday, I still managed to feel pretty good once I got home. I've been going through a lot of stuff lately - in terms of actual stuff I mean - like boxes and bags of randomness that has been laying around mainly since I got sick and even before. It feels good to finally have the energy (and let's pretend the time) to devote to these somewhat simple tasks. it seems there is more to it than there really is I find... it's just when you have so much else going on, things tend to pile up and quickly it can get beyond your control to the point where you just can't worry about it too much because you know you'll just have to tackle it when you can. Well that time seems to be now finally. Getting things together always feels good, but after the year I've had, I need it and hopefully a well deserved outcome will come of it too!

I happened upon my old livejournal page tonight I get back to it every now and then, usually making a random post that doesn't happen more than once a year, if even that. Tonight though I decided to look at my old profile and update it since it's been years since I have. I didn't have a written out bio posted, but my interests were filled in and I found them interesting. Most haven't changed, but some have in that I wouldn't quite write them as interests now... but just for fun here is the list: aim, art school, computers, concerts, dvds, good conversations, graphics, interactive design, internet, love, marvelous 3, movies, mp3s, multimedia, music, new jersey, philadelphia, photography, rent, rittenhouse square, sony vaio, stroke 9, university of the arts, web communities, web design, websites, writing. That's it. There is something youthful about it to me, but I guess that's because I did write it when I was a few years younger and certainly in a different place life-wise. That's the thing about chronicling your life, be it in a journal, online, or however... when you allow yourself a window to look back in on yourself at a different time and place, both physically and mentally, it definitely reveals more and more about you than you'd ever expect.

Anyway, it's good to look back. I got so caught up in things tonight that I totally got sicktracked (as usual) and now I must go to bed! Until next time! :)